Playing Doctor, Angel Style
by InzanityFirez
Summary: Castiel wants to understand the meaning of 'playing doctor', Gabriel's just being...Gabriel, and Dean and Sam are the hapless victims of the angelic ability to make 'dreams' come true. Crack!Fic! DestielxSabriel
1. Playing Doctor

**So. I guess I just wanted to try my hand at Crack!Fiction. XD No specific season-set but being OCD it's pretty much present-season [sans...anything that would inhibit this fic XD], established Destiel and Sabriel. It gets a bit sketchy at some parts, but there's nothing graphic. It's all innuendos and implications and closed curtains, I don't care much for sex scenes. XD Enjoy!**

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_"Oh, doctor! We shouldn't be doing this! Ms. Hammond is in critical condition, and, ohh!" _

_"It's alright. I'll save her life as soon as we're finished. As my stunning intern, it's your job to see that I'm in top shape for work." _

_"Of-of course, Dr. Sexy. " Another moan as he ground against her. "You're so...amazing." _

_"I know." he replied as he kissed her senseless again._

"Y'know, little brother, your taste in television is kind of...crap." a voice mused.

Castiel's attentive gaze turned from the television set in the little motel room to Gabriel as he materialized beside Castiel. "I am trying to discover what it means to 'play doctor." Castiel explained, in that innocent, earnest way of his.

Gabriel blinked before he burst out laughing. "Whoa, now. What? Now where'dja here that one, Cassie?"

"This television has very few channels. One of the pornographic films described 'playing doctor' and it appeared to be considered a very pleasant experience. I hoped that this show might further my understanding, but so far, the answer remains elusive." Castiel explained, a bit put out as he returned his gaze to the television.

Gabriel grinned. "Right. Well, little brother, lucky for you I happen to know all about playing doctor. And nurse. And the Queen of Hearts, but that's a _whhhole_ other story. Now see, 'playing doctor' is a certain kind of roleplay."

Castiel tilted his head as he returned his gaze to Gabriel. "Roleplay?"

"Well, it's like this, bro. Mortals have all kinds of...fantasies. Wishes, you might say. And sometimes during the, uh, 'pornographic' parts...sometimes they like to pretend those fantasies are real. For example, some people like to 'play doctor'...and I mean, why not? One of those skimpy little nurse outfits and those sexy voices and, well, you get the idea."

"I'm not sure that I do." Castiel seemed more puzzled. "So the point is...to pretend to be something or someone else that you are not? Doesn't that...defeat the purpose?"

"Well, without going all philosophical...not really. But it's all in good fun...in fact, I could give you a real good example, if you want." Gabriel suggested innocently. "I mean, you want to make ole Deano happy, right?"

Castiel regarded him suspiciously. "Meaning what?"

"How about I help you give Dean one of his, ah, dreams come true?"

"Why?" Castiel frowned now.

"What, a brother can't just help his little brother out?" Gabriel was all innocence.

Castiel seemed both dubious and suspicious, but finally, he said hesitantly. "Fine. If it will make Dean happy-"

"Great! Now listen up and do _exactly_ what I'm about to say..."

...

"Seriously, Dean? Did you have to blow up the crypt?" Sam stared at his smug big brother in disbelief.

Their 'simple salt-and-burn' had gotten a bit out of hand and resulted in some last-minute, stupid but admittedly impressive pyrotechnics on Dean's part, and one ancient family crypt: blown to bits.

"Hey, the bitch is dead and no one died. _I'd_ call that a good day."

"Well, then, Deano, it's about to get better." A chuckle.

Dean and Sam turned just in time to see a grinning Gabriel before Dean felt like he'd been sucker-punched and he found himself whisked away.

"Gabriel! What did you do?" Sam demanded.

"Just helping a brother out." Gabriel said with an almost maniacal glee before he turned to Sam with a grin. "Say, how do you feel about a nurse's outfit?"

...

One minute, Dean was triumphant in a cemetery, and the next-he was wearing scrubs and surrounded by a flurry of hospital activity as doctors, patients, and a loud-mouthed chick on a PA system called for some person or another. "The Hell?" Suspicion dawned. "Gabriel, you son of a bitch! This ain't funny! Zap me out!" it didn't take him long to guess where he'd been zapped, back into his favori-er, that one t.v. show that he didn't like at all. Yeah that.

Dean scowled when he received no response and he opened his mouth to try again when he found his arm grabbed and himself tugged along.

"What the Hell, listen, man-"

"Be quiet, intern." A voice commanded firmly. "Ms. Hammond's life is on the line. I must be fully equipped to work."

"'Scuse me? Wait..._Cas_?" Dean stared at the man in the doctor's outfit, it was Castiel. Tie included. But his name-tag read 'Dr. Sexy'.

Dean didn't get a reply as he was shoved rather abruptly into a broom closet where 'Dr. Sexy' tugged on the light and then shoved Dean's back against the only unshelved wall. "Uh, Cas, what are you-"

"I said 'quiet', you little intern bitch." Castiel said in his gruff voice, albeit with something that Dean could only surmise was an attempt at a husky growl and his eyes widened. Lips were pressed firmly against his own and a knee was pinned under his groin as Castiel moved against him. Dean was stunned as those words registered in his mind. _Little intern bitch..what the Hell?_

Dean kissed back for a moment, because A. Castiel was...his. And B. because, well, like he was going to turn down some good action. But he pushed the other away after a moment anyway. "Dude, seriously, what's going on? Are you 'you', or did that prick-"

"Remain silent and attend me, the doctor." Castiel a.k.a. Dr. Sexy commanded. "As my intern, you must serve me." he had some misconceptions on the subject, and wasn't maybe saying 'exactly' what Gabriel had said. But he felt that he had the general idea down. And if he needed any proof, there was the current at-attention status of...every part of Dean's anatomy.

Dean just stared, dumbfounded before he found his scrub top yanked up abruptly by Castiel who pressed him against the wall harder and gave him a firm, hard kiss that snatched his breath for a moment before he pulled away with an unmanly gasp that he was tempted to curse himself for. He was starting to get the idea, the crazy, messed up and convoluted idea.

And he liked it. And he would never _ever_ tell anyone that he liked it.

_"Dr. Sexy...we shouldn't be doing this-" a groan, "-Ms-what's-her-face is-" a moan, "-something or other...blah...bla-agh!" _

_'Dr. Sexy' spoke lowly, his voice husky as he nipped Dean's ear and lowered his hand to Dean's pantstrings. "It's time for the physical examination..."_

"I'm scarred. I'm scarred for life." Sam groaned as he stared at the t.v. in a mixture of horror and fascination. His brother called _him_ the freak? "Turn it off before you burn my eyes out!" Sam growled at Gabriel, who had thus far kept the t.v. from shutting off of Dr. Castiel and his 'little intern bitch' Dean.

"Only if you say 'yes'."

"Fine! I'll do it! Just turn it off!"

"You'll wear it? Even the cute little hat?"

"I'll wear the damned outfit! Just turn it off!"

Gabriel smirked as the television shut off right as a fully nursed-out Sam, 'cute little hat' included, stood before him and Gabriel's own clothes morphed into a doctor's outfit and he grinned.

"The doctor has arrived."

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**Well. There it is. My sketchy fluff of Dean's uber fantasy. XD Hopefully it was amusing. I tried to make it so. GIVE ME VERBAL HUGS AND I SHALL HAPPILY WRITE A FEW MORE CHAPS INVOLVING THE OTHER FREE WILL TEAM MEMBERS! XD Castiel has a thing for priests and demons, after all...and then there's- XD Okay. Well. We'll see. XD Love, Witchy~ **


	2. Confessions of a Naughty Angel

**The madness continues. XD This time: Cas' fantasy comes to life! Except that he had two I really liked. So there'll be a Redeux Fantasy chapter next. XD Then some Sabriel! Muwaha. **

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"You're a son of a bitch."

"Aww, I love it when you sweet-talk me, Dean-o."

"I'm gonna shove that lollipop down your throat."

"Promises, promises."

Dean was leaning against a doorway as he glared at a lounging Gabriel sucking on a lollipop across from him. "What the Hell do you want, anyway?"

"Well, Dean-_o_." he let the letter pop. "It seems to me that since my little brother-so kindly-gave you what you wanted...you should, you know, return the favor."

A mixture of embarrassment and fury flickered in Dean's expression. "You-"

"Basically, what I'm saying is...don't you think it'd be nice if you made Cassie's dreams come true?"

"And this out of the kindness of your heart, right?"

Gabriel looked mock-offended. "Why is everyone so suspicious? A guy can't look out for his little brother once in a while?"

Dean's faint glare suggested not, but he muttered. "What...uh...is his dream?"

Gabriel grinned. "Say 'hello' to Father Dean."

...

"Alright, now then, straighten up your tie...smooth out a few wrinkles," Gabriel smoothed his brother's trenchcoat, "And head on in."

Castiel stared at the church before them dubiously. "You still have not told me why we are here."

"Ah, that. You're going to give confession."

"Pardon?" Castiel's eyes narrowed faintly on his grinning older brother.

"Trust me. It's for your own good." Gabriel assured the other before he shoved him inside before he could further protest.

Once inside, Castiel found the door slammed shut behind him and he suspected locked, and he turned his gaze ahead to the quiet church with it's stained glass windows and neat pews. Castiel took note of a man in a priest's outfit with his head bowed, and he started to make himself disappear instinctively when the man turned and his eyes widened.

"You've come for confession." It wasn't a question, but it was _definitely_ Dean Winchester dressed in his Sunday best, so to speak.

"Dean, what-"

"I am Father Winchester. An angel told me you'd be here to take confession, Castiel. So, uh, come closer and I will...listen."

Castiel's expression was a rare one: hopeless, wide-eyed and stunned.

'Father Winchester' lifted a brow, his lips quirked into a faintly amused smirk. "Do not be afraid," he said in his best deep, holy-dude voice, "I will guide you."

Castiel licked his lips and he appeared before Dean without a second to spare. They didn't need a confession box, they both knew what the real goal was. And despite some angelic aspect of Castiel rebelling at the fact that this was a sacred church of his father, and so very, very wrong...he knew what he had to do.

"Forgive me, Father. For I have sinned." Castiel said gravelly, his gravelly voice a low rumble.

"Confess your sins." Dean instructed, amused despite himself. It was all he could do not to laugh, at least, until Castiel spoke.

"I have been...a very naughty angel." Castiel's voice was a bit husky at that and Dean coughed slightly to clear the sudden dryness in his throat. His angel had knelt down and was gazing up at him with those big, blue eyes and oh-son of a bitch-he hoped confessions didn't take too long.

"How so?" 'Father Winchester' asked 'calmly'.

"I have Fallen. And disobeyed. I visited a Den of Iniquity. And had impure thoughts about a mortal man."

"Impure...thoughts?"

"Yes...I have longed to remove all articles of his clothing and shower upon him the tangible affections of this vessel."

Dean wasn't sure he understood all that statement: but he got the message loud and clear.

"That is...grave. But not unforgivable. I will absolve you of your sins." Father Winchester said solemnly as he lowered his head and tilted Castiel's chin up towards him. "You've been a very naughty angel." he said lowly and Castiel's eyes fluttered as Dean's finger brushed against his lips.

"Forgive me, Father. You will have to...punish me."

As Dean smirked and bent in to claim those lips in a kiss and begin the 'absolving', he reflected on the fact that he was probably going to Hell for impersonating a holy man and deflowering an angel in a church...but as he looked into those big blue eyes...

He decided that he was okay with that.

...

"You are demented. You know that?" Sam stood outside one of the stained glass windows, his eyes burning yet again thanks to Gabriel's antics and amusement at showing him his brother's...less virtuous activities. Thankfully their clothing hadn't come off yet-oh wait-crap. There went the trenchcoat.

"Mmm. You and your brother. It's like verbal candy with you two." Gabriel cooed as he waggled his fingers at Sam. "Maybe you'd like to take confession? I can play a father. I look good in black." he said decidedly.

"I think that's blasphemy." Sam said with a faint eye-roll.

Gabriel grinned as he grabbed a fistful of Sam's shirt and tugged him down and closer. "Well then, let's be blasphemers together, shall we?" Gabriel's lips against Sam silenced any response.

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**I think the first one was funnier. I dunno. I tried. XD Hopefully the Redeux helps. Let's just say that Cas' dream relates to demons the way dudes dreams relate to superman. If that makes any sense. Leave me verbal hugs! Even if it's just laughter. Because that will bring joy to my soul. Or something. Gabriel's such a sneak, stealing dreams behind the scenes with Sammy. Poor Dean would have a fit. XD -Witchy**


	3. Fallen Angels and their Hunters Redeux

**Wow. That got popular all of the sudden. Reviews and faves inspired me to write more...now. Thank you for them, by the way! They bring me joy! XD Originally the Redeux was going to be the first paragraph of the last chap, but what had happened if they'd gone with the other fantasy...but now I'm going to just make it another chap. So it's almost like one-shots, but a whole story too. I like that idea better. XD But I'm still calling it 'Redeux' because I like that word. It's pretty. XD Minor breaking of the fourth wall, as well, just because the italics kept appearing. You'll see. XD**

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"The _Hell_, Sam?" Dean's voice was outraged as he glared at his little brother, who winced accordingly before he scowled back at Dean.

"You think I _asked_ to see your stint as an intern? And dude-a church? Really?"

"Yeah, 'cause _that's_ the worst thing you've ever seen me do." Dean replied dryly.

"Not the point." Sam muttered, and he did _not_ want to dwell on the 'worst' things.

"My little brother's a voyeur. To his own _brother_. That's just wrong, man."

"Don't blame me! I told you, it was Gabriel's-"

"You rang?" Gabriel's voice was low and ominous before he burst out laughing at the startled looks on the brothers' respective faces. "Oh, please continue. All of this barely concealed incest gives me the giggles. And all these italicized words...it's so dramatic!"

Dean shot him a _WTF_ look right as Sam pulled a bitch-face, before Dean glowered. "Why have you been hanging out with Sam so much anyway?"

Sam stiffened and looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, while Gabriel's face was alight with an almost maniacal glee. "Well you see, when two atom-comprised beings lust for each other very much-"

"_What_-" Dean had just enough time to get that out before he disappeared with a snap of Gabriel's fingers.

"Gabriel!" Sam's voice was a chastisement, somewhat for flashing Dean away-but mostly for the other's near spilling of the beans, so to speak. Sam already knew-obviously-all about Dean and Castiel. But somehow-the grace of their absent God, perhaps?-Dean had missed the part where Gabriel and Sam were playing nookie in the dark corners.

"Samuel!" Gabriel mocked with a smirk. "What? I didn't think you wanted me to let ole Dean-o in on the family secret. Of course, if you _do_."

"Screw italics." Sam muttered as he glared at his angel, who loped an arm around his waist with a chuckle.

...

Dean found himself thrust rather abruptly in...a ratty looking building? "Gabriel! You son of a-" He found himself with an arm shoved up against his throat suddenly and his head was introduced none too gently to the wall behind him.

A pair of black-eyes gleamed down at him, and he slammed a fist into the demon's stomach instinctively, but the demon didn't move and he took in the demon's face...

"Cas?" Dean was horrified. "But...demons can't hijack an angel!"

"I've Fallen, Dean. I am no longer an angel. I am a demon. And tonight, hunter, you are my little bitch."

Dean understood instantly and wanted to groan. This was getting way out of hand. The whole 'make-my-dreams' come true thing was kind of cute at first, and doing the dirty in the holy outfit had been kind of kinky...but this? He was tired, man!

"First of all, what is with this 'little bitch' crap again? You want me to kick your ass? 'Cause you are definitely the bottom in this relationship, and anyway-" A firm pair of lips pressed against his own and kissed him roughly, and he recognized some of the 'pizza-man's' moves with a few others thrown in.

Castiel wouldn't dream of doing this with anyone else. Only with Dean did the idea of being 'bad' sound so terribly..._good_.

Dean kissed back despite himself and stifled a moan against the other's lips before he smirked. Fine. Cas wanted to play hunters and demons?

He could do that.

Dean gave his lover a knee to the groin that was enough to actually send the angel stumbling back in surprise. Yeah, it was a dirty move, but Cas apparently wanted authenticity, right?

"The only bitch here tonight is you, ya black-eyed skank." Castiel's eyes widened and then narrowed at the term. "What's wrong? Maybe you'd prefer harlot-"

A fist in his stomach knocked the wind out of him before he found himself with his back on the floor and Castiel straddling him. "You are impudent, Dean Winchester." And beyond the demon play, Dean could tell Castiel really thought so-but unlike in the demon play-he thought so affectionately.

"Yeah, yeah. Bite me."

Castiel's sudden, faint smirk was uncharacteristic on the angel's face and Dean groaned at the other's next words.

"I told you that you would be the little bitch." he nearly sing-songed [is that how he thought demons talked?] before he bent down to nip a squirming Dean's neck.

"Dream on, you demonic asshole." Dean said, faintly smirking. This was definitely more his kind of fantasy. The gritty, ass-kicking kind. Not to say that he didn't like the...gentler nights that he and Cas spent together-he loved 'em. But he had to admit, the idea of strutting his stuff had merit.

What could he say? He was a hunter through and through.

Dean jerked a hand up to grab a fistful of Castiel's hair as he yanked the other closer and gave him a hard kiss, a distraction as he jerked his knees up suddenly and kicked the other off. He moved quickly to jerk the other around and end up with his knee buried in Castiel's back, the other belly-down on the ground.

Dean leaned forward to nip Castiel's ear lightly before he brought his lips to the other's neck with a smirk as he prepared to leave a very visible, claiming mark of his own on Castiel's neck. "Like I said, bitch, dream on."

...

"You had it planned from the beginning!" Sam accused as he glared up at Gabriel from his position beneath the other.

"What? You think I hinted to Castiel that if I'd be oh-so-grateful if he'd keep the little monster busy for awhile? Or that I told him how much the hunter things gets Dean off? Or hey, you really think I _planned_ on Castiel having a thing for playing the bad guy?"

"Like I said. Demented."

"You like it." Gabriel challenged as he caught Sam in a quick kiss. "Besides, being _the_ Trickster's, as in-badass extraordinaire's-one and only has to count for something..."

Sam snorted. "Yeah, well I'm the King of Pranks. And I've killed you already. Sort of. So I'm the bigger badass."

"Is that right?" There was a mischevious twinkle in the angel-trickster's eyes that Sam wasn't sure he liked.

"Gabriel-"

Too late. The angel had disappeared to leave Sam wondering what the Hell he'd just gotten himself into...

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**Well now, that's almost like a cliff-hanger or something. That works, because I wasn't too sure about the Sabriel fantasy arc yet. XD Now it's looking like the Trickster vs. the Prankster. Or something. Meanwhile...Dean and Cas are having all kinds of fun. XD Angels have such weird fantasies. 'Naughty' for a human is like...loving in a public airport. Naughty for an angel is like...loving with a bible in the room. I dunno. It's just different. XD It amuses me. Feel free to leave verbal hugs and favorites, because as you can see-they inspire speedy posts. [And today is my one day off...but anyway...] XD**


	4. Angelic Buns in the Hunter Oven

**Alright! So I'm rushing my brains out to try and finish this before my work lunch break ends. I had trouble figuring out how to continue, so I didn't, and then I heard it was Sabriel week and got inspired. So...here goes!**

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Sam woke up feeling, actually, surprisingly good. Despite the ominous foreshadowing of Gabriel's earlier words, he wasn't feeling bad and he hadn't woken up in a ditch somewhere...so...maybe the angel had been kidding after all?

But once he stood up and stretched his arms above his head, and noticed a strange weight on his chest...one glance downwards confirmed that he should have known better. He was naked. He was smaller. And he was a _girl_.

"_Agghh_!"

The door burst open a few moments later to reveal an alert Dean. "Sam? Are you alrigh-uh-whoa." Dean's gaze raked over the attractive female before him before he could stop himself.

Sam flushed with embarrassment. "It's _me_, you jerk! " he'd hastily grabbed a blanket to cover himself and hurled a shoe at Dean, but the shoe fell harmlessly against the wall and had missed his intended target. Castiel had arrived behind Dean in time to see his lover very obviously checking out a nude female, and he had very naturally been _upset._ Hence the fingers on the back of Dean's neck sending him hurtling into a nearby lake.

...

About an hour later, a very drenched Dean sat on the opposite end of the couch from his still-peeved lover. Despite a chorus of _It was just Sam! _ and _I wasn't checking her-him-out!_, Castiel had simply given Dean an indignant sniff and sat on the other end of the couch. His idea of faithfulness and Dean's clearly varied.

In the meanwhile, Sam dressed in a now way-too-big shirt and pair of baggy pants sat morosely in a chair. "That _bastard_!" Sam, now half his usual size with messy brown hair and big doe eyes, and [an admittedly nice rack], ranted from his spot in the chair. Gabriel hadn't come down yet, and Sam had a feeling he was munching popcorn somewhere and enjoying the show. "I will shove a stake through his heart! And then I will burn him! And if there's anything left I will _run him over_."

Dean lifted his brows and shot a conspiratorial glance at Castiel as he said in a purposefully loud whisper- "He's PMS-ing."

Castiel was anything but amused and Sam shot Dean a fierce glare. Properly chastised, Dean sighed as he leaned back against the couch. "So you said this is some kinda...freaky angel prank-war, right?"

"If you want to call it that." Sam_antha_ growled out.

Dean considered that for a moment before he smirked. "Well, then, bro. You're about to admit once and for all that I am a friggin'_ genius_. Here's what you gotta do..."

...

Sam tapped his fingers against the table agitatedly as he frowned darkly at the window. Hours had passed and Gabriel hadn't shown, what was the deal? "Cocky, obnoxious-"

"-Talking about your brother again? Aww, that's not very nice." Gabriel chimed from beside him and Sam jumped before his eyes narrowed.

"-_Short_, asshole of an angel." Sam finished.

Gabriel tutted as he puffed his chest a bit and stood all the way up as Sam rose to glare up at him. Gabriel was at least a head taller, and Gabriel was a short guy as it was. "Um, pardon me, love...but...uh, I think you need to get your eyes checked." he waved a hand above Sam's head suggestively.

Sam poked a finger into Gabriel's chest none too gently. "Change me back." he demanded.

"Hmm, let me think about it..." he caught Sam's hand by the wrist. "_No_." he twirled Sam around and pulled Sam's back against his chest as slipped a hand around his waist and kept him there, while his free hand roamed over Sam's newly endowed body. "I think I like you this way, so soft and squishy. And not a giant, there's that." Gabriel murmured as he nipped Sam's ear playfully.

Sam delivered a sharp elbow jab to Gabriel's gut and the trickster-angel gasped and stumbled back a step. Sam turned and glared. "Change me back, Gabriel. It's not a joke."

"Oh? I thought you were the King of Pranks? Can't handle this little ditty, sweetheart?" Gabriel grinned as he took a few steps forward.

"You're not touching me till you fix me. Hell, I might not ever let you near me again." Sam growled as he crossed his arms.

Gabriel pouted before he smirked. "Really...and how long do you think that'll last? A woman has needs, especially where her man is concerned..." he covertly snapped his fingers as he turned the volume up on Sam's new feminine libido.

Sam seemed startled a moment before he flushed and shifted uncomfortably. "Y-You bastard..."

"What was that you were saying? Something about needing me desperately?"

"Go to Hell." Sam muttered, and he gripped his arms and fought back a whimper. Gabriel was a maniac, and this was Hell, and he was going to _kill_ the other.

"Aww, baby, don't be that way." Gabriel soothed as he came forward and slipped his arms around Sam. "You know you're the only cross-gendering giant for me." he planted a kiss on Sam who promptly bit his lip in return and Gabriel licked the offended lip with a wince. "Cross-gendering giant with a biting problem." he sighed as he pressed Sam closer and pressed his forehead against Sam's. "Are you really that mad about this?"

"Maybe." Sam muttered, and he tried to ignore his own desires mingled with the ridiculous urges Gabriel was forcing on him.

"C'mon...let's have some fuuuun with it. Gimme a smile, babe."

"Change me back."

"Pleeeeeassseee, with cherry and a shot of lollipops on top?" Gabriel fixed Sam with his best puppy eyes, which admittedly, Sam possessed the better pair of between them. "You know you're my one and only, _my heart's desire, fire, fire, something, teenage angst, blah blah_." Gabriel did an off-key parody of a Backstreet boys song and despite himself, Sam smirked a little. "That's it!" Gabriel swung Sam around suddenly as he grabbed his hand and loped an arm around his waist. "Whad'ya saaaaay? Forgive me and humor your poor, love-sick trickster?" he puckered his lips and waggled his brows suggestively, and Sam sighed before he gave in and kissed the angel soundly.

...

Come morning, Gabriel and Sam were cuddled up in bed together when Sam opened his eyes and shot a faint smirk towards Gabriel before he let out a scream.

Gabriel awoke with a start and his eyes shot around wildly. "What izzit? What's wrong, Sam?"

"You _sadistic son of a bitch_!" Sam screeched, and he felt that he was giving a pretty good performance.

"W-What? What is it?" Gabriel seemed genuinely surprised, seeing as how he'd been quite obviously forgiven the night before. So when Sam pulled back the covers to reveal a bulge underneath his shirt that looked suspiciously like a bun in the oven, Gabriel blanched. But then slowly he smirked. "Ha, ha, very funny. Got a pillow tucked...up..." he'd moved up Sam's shirt to see said 'pillow' but what he saw instead was a fleshy mound and he gaped.

"B-B-But...that's not...you can't be..." Gabriel stammered, and he'd gone from pale to stark-white in a half-second.

"Tell that to the baby!" Sam hissed. "What did you do to me?"

"I don't know! It's not...no way! I can't! You...oh, crackers..." Gabriel stumbled over his words, in a very, very rare moment of being totally off-guard and taken aback.

That was when the door opened and Dean burst in laughing, followed by Castiel who seemed to have -mostly- forgiven Dean's earlier 'affront' to him.

Gabriel stared, stunned. "What's...going on here?"

Castiel smiled, a rare look of sly pleasure on his face. "Dean made a suggestion to aid Sam in a revenge prank...and I assisted him."

Gabriel blinked once. Twice. And then with a frown he waved a hand over Sam's stomach and the corporeal illusion disappeared. He'd been so distracted that he hadn't noticed. "You have got to be kidding me..." he muttered.

Sam smirked broadly. " 'B-B-But, you can't be!'" he mocked, and Gabriel pouted. And then he narrowed his eyes on Dean.

"This sick little plan was your idea...well, get prepared to enjoy the rest of your life with Aunt Flo-"

Castiel crossed his arms in a very human gesture he'd picked up. "You will do no such thing." Castiel warned, and Gabriel's pout returned.

"But, Caaaaas." he whined. "They're picking on me!"

"You deserved it." Castiel said simply.

"I'm your brother!"

"And your point?" Castiel arched a brow, another recently acquired human gesture.

"Speaking of brothers..." Dean growled. "Someone wanna tell me how long mine's been sleeping with the friggin' _trickster_?"

Sam scrunched his nose at the same time that Gabriel smirked lazily and loped an arm around Sam as he pulled him close. "I've been ravishing your brother longer than mine's been ravishing you~" he taunted, and it was Dean's turn to blanch at a set of mental imagery that he never, _ever_ wanted to think of again.

Castiel seemed puzzled. "I have not ravished, Dean. He has been perfectly willing to-"

"_Shut it, Cas._ We've had this discussion. What happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom."

Castiel sighed. "Yes, so you've said. That is why we have to hide the handcuffs behind the-"

"_Cas_!" Dean interjected, and Castiel ceased speaking with something like a pout of his own.

Sam was having his own mental imagery problems as Gabriel smirked. "Handcuffs, huh? Oh, little brother, you do me so proud. Well, on that note, now that we're all in on the flaming skeletons in everyone's closet..." Gabriel tilted his head towards Sam and grinned. "I think I kinda like the idea of making you my baby-momma."

Sam and Dean blanched, while Castiel looked intrigued.

"_What_?" Sam seemed mortified and then his eyes narrowed. "I'm a guy, and you're going to change me back; get over it."

"Sam, Sam, Sam...my little love-dove, I'm an _angel_ for cheesewhiz' sake! You don't have to be a girl to be my baby-momma." he explained as he pulled Sam in for a kiss and restored his lover's male form as he did so.

"Son of a-" Dean trailed off from his horrified shout [due to the fact that his eyes were burning at the sight of his little brother being molested by the angel-freak] as he noted that Castiel was staring at him with a thoughtful expression.

"Dean-" he started.

"No. _No_. **No**." Dean growled.

Castiel's expression fell a bit. "You do not wish to procreate with me, Dean?"

Dean blanched for the third time in a short span of minutes as he tried to surmise the best way to answer that question. "That's not...it's...I'm a man!" Contrary to how squeaky his protest sounded right then.

"As Gabriel noted, that is not an issue when you are the partner of an angel." Castiel said bluntly.

"You have the kid then!"

"That would be impossible. I am inhabiting a vessel. The child would not survive inside of me." Castiel said regretfully.

It was Sam's turn to be both weirded out and a bit smug. At least he wasn't the only one having to put up with this crap.

"You never said you wanted a kid!" Dean switched defenses.

"I would enjoy children very much, particularly ours. I have a fondness for children." Castiel explained and he even smiled a little at the thought. Dean groaned before he found Gabriel smirking at him and Sam eyeing him sympathetically.

"Cas..."

"If you loved Castiel, you'd do it, Dean!" Gabriel accused dramatically, and the thought only then seemed to occur to Castiel that the situation could be indicative of that. Sam swatted Gabriel and frowned at him in annoyance, while Gabriel looked back with an expression of innocence.

Castiel jutted out his lower lip just slightly and lowered his eyelids in the saddest puppy face he'd ever seen-save on Sam-and he knew he'd be kicking Sam's ass later for showing him something like that. Because the sight of his morose, blue-eyed angel was murder on his heartstrings. "Dean has never said he loves me." Castiel murmured.

Dean stammered. "That's...you can't...Cas, outside, now!" he did _not_ want to get into this discussion in front of Gabriel and Sam.

Castiel continued to stare sorrowfully at him and Dean began to shove the other through the door. "We'll talk about it, just _get moving_."

The door slammed closed behind them and Sam and Gabriel sat in silence a moment before Gabriel swung himself over Sam and straddled him with a sly smirk. "So, Sam, darling-"

"No."

Gabriel kissed his lips softly.

"Not gonna happen."

Gabriel began trailing kisses down his chest.

"The answer's still no."

Gabriel's hand found purchase below Sam's waist just as his lips found Sam's neck and began teasing said neck artfully.

"I said n-nnngh..." Sam moaned.

"What was that?" Gabriel teased as he caught Sam's lips in a kiss and prevented further response. The Trickster always won, but the so-called King of Pranks had put up a good fight.

He looked forward to seeing the sort of havoc their children were going to cause...

Just as soon as he'd finished _ravishing_ Sam silly.

**.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**This was a bit different than the other chapters, obviously, and longer besides. XD But I had fun writing it, for all that it's all very new to me. Generally MPREG reference and such scare me a bit but...I'm considering making chapters involving preggers Dean/Sam, if anyone's interested. XD And maybe some highlight-hijinks from their ensuing parenthood with angelic-power-infused Winchester-Angel children. And, of course, more ridiculous-kink-chapters. XD We'll see, it's funny crack to write. XD Any thoughts? Let me know! XD And Happy Easter slash Sabriel week!~**


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